i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
