I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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