One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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