Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
