..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
