i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize