I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
