We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
