You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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