Im at strip club and am horny
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
