Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
