I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize