he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
