Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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