i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
