he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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