I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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