Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
