Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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