Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
