I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
