Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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