After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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