i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
