Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
