i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
