After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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