we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
