Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
