am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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