things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
