just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
