The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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