xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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