my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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