Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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