i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
