I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
