You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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