this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Damn victory sex feels great
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