Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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