She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
