she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
