im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
