He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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