I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
