I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
