Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
