a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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