I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
