im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
