i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize