We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize