You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
