my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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