I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
