Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
