Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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