Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
