I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
