I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
