Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
