Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
