I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize