So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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