My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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