I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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