So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
