im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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