these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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