Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
