i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
