i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
