She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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