I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
where are my eyebrows?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
