god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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