You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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