i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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