Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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