so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
