Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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