I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
