mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
